I went into an autopilot mode for about 5 years or so. Time and space didn’t really matter. A state of numbness or some sort of day dreaming. Conscious day dreaming. Where you eat, walk, work, workout, achieve, sleep, laugh…. but still not completely present. Autopilot? No. I think it was more then that.
I am not sure if you know about life as a busy business man in busy Tokyo but its quit an experience. At first it gets busy then very busy then juggling many balls while trying to keep your head above water then completely jammed then a complete burnout. By the time I stopped and asked myself “what the hell is going ?”, the hell was already going on. It was like that scene from the Matrix where Neo started to see things more clearly and slow. I decided I will quit “today” on a Tuesday 9:23am. Just like that. Yes I know. Damn Libra. Trust me, I live with this.
Walked from the office like that Scene from Hulk when he turned green for the first time. Ripped shit apart. Metaphorically of course. Well I did “really” turn green. It was one of the most liberating moments in my adults life. Air felt better, shoulder felt wider and straight, head felt quieter and lean…..
It made me think in that moment of peace, Why did I allow this to drag for so long? I couldn’t find the answer to this. And the more I thought about the less I understood.
So I took off for a 3 months holidays to Europe. tuturuuuuu
I will speak about what happened in Europe in a different article. This was one of the best experiences I had in my life . It made me rethink many aspects of my life that I used to really believe in. For example , I was trying to retire by early 40s. Now I decided I will never ever retire . I need to be inside the action and be part of the action. It makes me sharp and feel very alive. Second , prioritize travel over anything martial. The clothes , watches , the late night drinking are not my thing anymore . I don’t feel depth in them anymore. I prefer a simple but very deep life.
Every once in a while I feel my body and soul wakes up. I feel it happens almost every year when I look around and I make drastic changes to improve myself. It goes from simple changes like diet, style, way of living. To sometime bigger changes believes, thought process, friends groups, investments…Etc
I felt like I woke up from a very long sleep . Honestly speaking I don’t know why I was loving such an unconscious life for such a long time . But anyways maybe it was important for me so I can see what both sides feel like .
All my senses feel very alert . Like the whole world ( at least my world ) become in slow motion. Glad that I have reached here without any big injuries . Because life wasn’t easy on y and will never be. But again , that’s the way I wanted it .
Love you all. Ash